One Thousand Gifts: January 31, 2011

I continue to be amazed that the more I ask God to open my eyes to the gifts, the more I see them. Even in the most unexpected places. I don't get as many of them written down as I'd like, but I'm so thankful that I'm seeing things more clearly.


#37 - little sister gently brushing big sister's hair out of her face

#38 - kid-directed kid meetings, completel with "raise your hand if...." voting

#39 - afternoon cuddles with my feverish 2-year-old

#40 - first bites of solid food in almost 8 days...BLISS!

#41 - my new favorite book, One Thousand Gifts, which is a gift in and of itself

#42 - rescue from the pit of ungratefulness that was snuffing out real living

#43 - homemade salad dressing (for pennies!)

#44 - neon orange contrails criss-crossing a soft blue sun-setting sky

#45 - drawing a candlelit bubble bath...for my sore, tired husband

#46 - four "rockers" jamming out with air guitars (and light-saber guitars) and air drums

#47 - Mom's fried chicken

#48 - MOM (who will have a birthday on Saturday)

#49 - a quiet drive home

#50 - peanut-butter-and-jelly-smeared face

#51 - Emmy's excitement when it's her turn to do school

One Thousand Gifts

As God continues to tear out and mend the weak seams of my life, I'm having a hard time figuring out where/how to fit blogging into my life. But I am relieved that so far, God has not asked me to give it up. So, until I find the NEW rhythm for this time of my life (God and I are getting there, and it feels so good!), I may continue to be somewhat absent here, as well as over there. But the gifts, they keep coming as they always will, so I am striving to have open eyes and an open heart so that I can see those gifts for what they are.

#13 - Chris's mishap at work resulted in "only" a concussion, with no bleeding in the brain or worse

#14 - freshly fallen snow, yet untouched by little feet or big tires

#15 - a quiet house after a loud day

#16 - a quarter of a year without watching any television programming, which equals 180 hours (possibly more) spent more meaningfully (staggering). A double THANK YOU GOD for this one. Thank you thank you!

#17 - the priceless inheritance being kept in heaven for me (1 Peter 1:4)

#18 - two full days to myself, hotel room included

#19 - a noisy home after two quiet days

#20 - the joy on Emmy's face after we made her bed in a new way, using Grandma's blanket gift on the top

#21 - a delicious Row shake

#22 - another delicious Row shake :)

#23 - a husband who doesn't understand, but loves me anyway

#24 - catching my youngest "baby" (who had snuck out of her crib) snuggling with my oldest "baby" after lights out, the pure joy on my oldest's face, the ornery grin on my youngest's :)

#25 - climbing into bed with both of them for a snuggle

#26 - watching Aniston stick her fingers and arms into the holes of my old blankie, just like I used to do

#27 - frozen pizza after a long day

#28 - sleepy sighs and yawns from an almost-asleep two-year-old

#29 - a grocery store clerk's words that were just small talk, but spoke to my heart on a spiritual level

#30 - coffee with a friend who really gets some of what I'm going through

#31 - Aniston's "sih-bu-me's" (which means she wants to sit by me)

#32 - me & my five favorite people cuddled up on the couch for a movie

#33 - slumbering with Xander one whole night, Pierce the next, and Emmy the next

#34 - hubby giving me the bed to myself after 3 consecutive nights of sharing the bed with octopi little people

#35 - being treated to lunch by friends, good conversation, crazy kids having fun, will power to drink only water so as not to break my fast

#36 - half-way through day 6 of a juice fast, and the surprising amount of energy that I've had

One Thousand Gifts

One of my 2011 resolutions was to praise God more, and one of the ways to help me do so is to start keeping a list of all the big and little blessings that I see in my life. Sometimes I write things down because I feel like praising God in that moment. But most of the time - at least at this time in my life as I build up my "praise" muscles - it's harder.

But I know, even when my (sinful) heart doesn't feel like it, God is always praiseworthy. Always.

And so it begins...

#1 - five people fully recovered from a week-long bout with Influenza

#2 - one-handed typing because my 2-year-old wants to cuddle non-stop (cherish this)

#3 - taste restored after almost a week of stuffed-up-edness (it's a word, right?)

#4 - a new Cuisinart coffee maker purchased with Christmas gift cash

#5 - thermal carafe with said coffee maker, that keeps my coffee warm all day long without using an ounce of electricity

#6 - the smell of freshly ground coffee beans

#7 - watching the Fellowship of the Ring and drawing spiritual parallels

#8 - this timely post that provided me with a (free!) ready-made resource for building new habits, little by little
#9 - an eight-year-old making lunch as I type this

#10 - new mercies every morning

(gifts I've already tweeted)

#11 - "It's windy and cold outside. But I'm inside."

#12 - "Curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee & new blanket made by my Mom, reading the Word, heater pointed at me. BLISS!"

resolutions

As God continues to expose the areas in my life that need to be mended, I continue to search His Word for the answers as to what my role is. I know that He is the only One who can fix me, but I also know that he doesn't expect me to just lie around saying "Fix me!".  He expects me to be actively involved.

I know that spending time at His feet (reading His Word, talking to Him, listening for Him, worshiping Him) is the single most important thing He desires of me.

I also know that He wants me to continue to hide His Word in my heart by memorizing as much of His Word as possible.

And I know that He wants me to continually check my armor.

Beyond those two things, I've been asking God to search my heart and show me what else I can do right now. He's shown me [a few of the] things that I need to work on, so I've turned these things into my New Year's Resolutions. I have them written down, I review them each day during my time with God, and I say them over and over throughout the day.

Praise God

I know, right? It seems so obvious doesn't it? But I tend to focus my thoughts on negative things instead of positive. I'm a "glass half empty" kind of gal, and that's not who God wants me to be.

So I'm going to join in the Thousand Gifts community at A Holy Experience. (And I'm excited to read Ann's book as soon as the hard copy - that I've pre-ordered - is released and arrives on my doorstep!)

I'm going to praise praise praise God, which will mean going against my feelings sometimes.

God is always praiseworthy.

Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

-Psalm 103:1-5 (emphasis mine)

Die to Self

I'm pretty selfish. And God's shown me how much my selfishness has affected my life. Too often, I react to life's everyday things out of frustration for how it is inconveniencing me. Instead, I need to ask: How might she feel right now? How can I help or bless him? How can I honor God right now?

(The other night I was feverish and achy and exhausted, but little sick people kept waking me up, and I was amazed that each time I woke up, "Die to Self" were the first words on my mind. Anyone who knows me well, knows what a total God-thing that is!)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

-Galatians 2:20

I Can Do Anything For One Day

Instead of thinking about how tiring this whole week as been, or how hard it's going to be to overcome such-and-such hurdle in my life, this little phrase has already helped me. (inspired by the book Every Woman's Marriage by Shannon Ethridge)
 
What happened yesterday is over. Done. Finished.
 
Tomorrow hasn't arrived, so don't worry about it yet.
 
Today is where we are. BE HERE.
 
I can do anything for ONE DAY.
 

Give us today our daily bread.

-Matthew 6:11 (emphasis mine)

 
Jesus' Blood Has Covered That
 
I have a hard time forgiving myself. My mistakes eat away at me and rob me of joy that is meant to be mine. When I live this way, I live as if Jesus blood doesn't cover my sins. What an arrogant way of thinking!
 
So, when I mess up, I need to repent and then I need to let it go. Because Jesus blood has covered it.
 

Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

-Isaiah 1:18

 
For now, those four little phrases are my focus.
 
How about you? Did you make any resolutions?
 
 
    

Book Review: The Jesus You Can't Ignore

The Jesus You Can't Ignore
by John MacArthur

I’ve had this book for months and I’ve had a hard time making it out of the introduction. I’m not sure if it’s because of the writer’s style, or because it is so filled with historical and cultural facts, but it makes me want to go right to sleep.


With that said, I’m several chapters in, and I will say that John MacArthur is quite a wise man. This is a very thorough book, in which MacArthur shows us how to follow the leading of Jesus when it comes to religious leaders in our world. Especially concerning so-called Christian religious leaders, who are leading people astray, Jesus was not concerned mainly about showing them love. He was concerned about being extremely stern and sometimes downright harsh. I’ve ever noticed this before now, but it is true, and it has given me a lot to think about.

In The Jesus You Can’t Ignore, MacArthur tells it how it is, and I appreciate that very much. This world needs more authors who are courageous and obedient enough to lay God’s Truth right out there. I will either continue to slowly work my way through this book, or I will give it to my dad, who (I think) appreciates John MacArthur’s work much more than I do at this point in my life.

Mending

Shortly after this recent period of spiritual attacks began, God was so good to give me a little insight into something. He showed me that He was already working it all out for His good in very tangible ways. And He kept bringing the story of Job to my mind. Not the whole story, but just the beginning, in Job 1, where Satan asks for a shot at Job, and God allows it.

The LORD said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything [Job] has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”

Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

(And here's where I insert the side note that I am, in no way, comparing my piddly little, minuscule battles over the last two months to Job's trials. There is no comparing the two. It's like trying to compare apples and....and...monkeys. Or something. End of sidenote.)

I kept replaying this part of scripture in my mind, and I kept imagining Satan (or his minions) asking for a shot at us.

God: Very well, then.

Satan: *rubbing his hands together* Muahahahahaha

And I kept picturing God, smiling triumphantly, because He already knew that He was going to bring amazing greatness through the Enemy's attacks. God knew that it would be a temporary (painful) blow to our marriage, to our family, but that it was going to be a turning point in our lives. God knew that these attacks would be a springboard to answered prayers that I've prayed for months and even years.

God showed me even more just before Christmas.

I was sewing new Christmas stockings for the kids (because I'm cheap and didn't want to buy them), and since I'm not very good at sewing, I messed up. I almost just let it go because it didn't look that bad, but I finally decided that I wanted it to be better. So, out came the seam ripper. It took quite a long time, and as I was hunched over my creation, using my seam ripper to meticulously remove hundreds of zig zag stitches, God showed me that He has been doing exactly the same thing in my and Chris's life.

He has been using these trials and fires to expose some of the seams in our lives that weren't done the way He wanted them done. Seams that had been stitched by inexperienced hands (mine, Chris's, our past experiences, habits, etc.) instead of the Ultimate Creator's hands. Sure, our lives would have worked fine without removing those seams, but He wants our lives to be better.  Holier.

A week or so later, as I continued working my way through the Bible, I came to Ecclesiastes 3.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.... a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance....  a time to tear and a time to mend.

The visual picture that I get in my mind just brings me to my knees. To picture God hunched over my life, meticulously ripping out seams that aren't "just so", laboring over His special creation...it's more than my heart can handle.


Yet I know it's true. He loves me - and you - that much.

a New Year

My last two posts were almost two months ago.

In one, I (sort of) shared about a huge movement of God in our lives and how I was expecting attacks from the Enemy. In my last post, I shared how exactly I was going about arming our family, and I basically taunted the Devil and told him to BRING. IT. ON.

Note to self: Don't taunt the Devil. He'll bring it on.

A dear friend's intuition (from the Lord, no doubt) was spot on when she commented over a month ago:

You staked your claim here, and then disappeared from the bloggy world, which makes me wonder if you're experiencing some heavy-duty warfare around there. ??? I'm praying.

I emailed her and told her that she was right. We have been experiencing some heavy-duty warfare around here. I'd almost go so far as to say that it has been the most difficult two months of my life, spiritually. The Enemy has been relentlessly attacking on so many different levels.

He's been attacking our marriage, and while I expected our marriage to be the first place that was attacked, I wasn't expecting this.

He's been attacking me on an emotional level. Some of this is due to the attacks on our marriage, but some of it is unrelated to our marriage.

He's been attacking our health. We (Chris, the kids, myself) have been sick so many times over the last couple of months that I have lost track. In fact, instead of starting the New Year off having a great time with some dear friends, we started 2011 off with Influenza. (And according to the doctor we saw yesterday, it was his first reported case of the season. We're trendsetters...yes we are.)

He's been attacking through vehicle troubles.

He's been attacking through some extended family issues.

Normally I would just chalk all these things up to regular old LIFE. But I have felt so strongly that Satan is attacking. I can't describe it...I've just felt it. I just know.

At first I wasn't doing very well at standing strong. Nope. Nosirreebob. I was a heap of a mess (unless I was around other people...then I could put on my mask.). I had no emotional energy to handle anything with dignity.

All I could manage was to simply cling to my Creator.

I've read nearly the entire Bible in the last six weeks. Another two weeks, and I will be finished. And I've been playing lots and lots of worship music, and just sitting and worshiping.  I'd probably be amazed at how many hours I've spent reading, praying, and worshiping. When I am immersed in His Word and His music, everything is right with my world. Victory!

So the Enemy has been attacking, but God has claimed victory in many of these battles.

I long to share more, but I know it is not God's time yet.

That is the short (ha!) version of my last two months.

And it's a new year.

For some people, the new year doesn't do much for them, but for me, it's a reminder that with Christ, we always have a fresh start. I've made a few goals this year, things to strive for in my marriage, our finances, health, etc.

But my resolutions are different.

For me personally, a resolution is different than a goal. A goal is tangible. Like "lose 20 pounds". You can measure it. A resolution, on the other hand, is more vague. Like "be a better person". I typically don't like vague goals (resolutions) because it's hard to measure their success.

But sometimes success can't be measured by us. Sometimes, it isn't meant to be measured by us.

My resolutions are things that can't be checked off a list. They're simply, well, resolutions. Determinations.

I'm out of time for now, but I'll be back later to share my resolutions with you.

Until then...

Happy 2011!

I pray that your new year will be one where God shows himself and glorifies himself through your every movement, every thought, every word.